Winter Soldier of Our Discontent: How Forcing Romantic Male Relationships Contributes to Toxic Masculinity

On June 18, 2021, actor Anthony Mackie caused a Twitter ruckus by stating in an interview with Variety magazine that men can be friends with other men. If you think that’s an obvious fact, you’re in the minority, at least among the angry users who replied to the 2:01 tweet linking the article.

The context: Mackie portrayed the character Sam Wilson, AKA the superhero Falcon, in Marvel franchise movies such as Captain America: Civil War and Avengers: Endgame. He most recently reprised this role in the television show The Falcon and Winter Soldier, which focuses on Wilson’s relationship with Bucky Barnes, AKA The Winter Soldier (portrayed by Sebastian Stan) after the disappearance of their close friend Steve Rogers. And while the purpose of Variety’s interview was Wilson’s character and not his relationship with Barnes, discussion inevitably wound its way there:

The other half of Sam’s journey on the show is the transformation of his relationship with Bucky Barnes… from simmering resentment to a lasting and profound friendship. That translated into several scenes of emotional and physical familiarity between Sam and Bucky that some fans interpreted as a budding romance — similar to how some Marvel fans desired Bucky and the first Captain America, Chris Evans’ Steve Rogers, to be a couple.

Mackie, however, resisted this interpretation:

“There’s so many things that people latch on to with their own devices to make themselves relevant and rational,” he says. “The idea of two guys being friends and loving each other in 2021 is a problem because of the exploitation of homosexuality . . . You can’t do that anymore, because something as pure and beautiful as homosexuality has been exploited by people who are trying to rationalize themselves.”

The wording of “trying to rationalize themselves,” in regards to the LGBTQ+ community, was unfortunate, especially since the article was published during Pride Month. The phrase “exploitation of homosexuality” also proved problematic, even though Mackie appears to have used the term as a synonym for queerbaiting, which is the process of media hinting at homosexual relationships to draw in viewers only to never fulfill those relationships. Fans of the Marvel movies and shows quickly voiced their displeasure: 

“marginalized people just wanna feel welcome, accepted, safe in this world, and Anthony Mackie reduces it to them wanting to feel ‘relevant and rational’? christ.”

“I don’t understand. When someone is starving and licking crumbs, the solution isn’t to take the crumbs away and shame them for eating them, its to give the person an actual meal.”

“Just let people think what they want to think. Why do you have to confirm or deny any possible relationship? Isn’t art supposed to be left to interpretation?”

[Quotes formatted according to original tweets.]

The third commentator raises a valid point: if art is open to interpretation, then is viewing Sam and Bucky’s relationship as homosexual really so awful? Why not let viewers see what they want to see regardless of how the relationship was intended? The answer is this: because constantly and consistently viewing any kind of male relationship in media as romantic rather than platonic contributes to toxic masculinity, which in turn debilitates intentional LGBTQ+ representation. 

Definitions of “toxic masculinity” differ, but it is essentially the concept that something is not truly masculine or male unless it is aggressive, dominating, unemotional, and overall tough. Think of cavemen, soldiers, and cowboys; think of Al Capone and John Wayne. They are the man’s man, a figure of testosterone, whiskey, and dirt. They are the pinnacle of masculinity, or so dictated by society. By contrast, those who fight against toxic masculinity reject the idea that being masculine—being a man—must conform to these standards. 

If toxic masculinity fights against the concept that “real men” are unemotional and aggressive, then it fights for the idea that men can be caring, nurturing—even “soft,” a quality that has long been anathema to American men. In short, it suggests that what are often seen as feminine qualities can also be found in men without making them any less of a man. And since these qualities are often most obvious in relationships, rejecting toxic masculinity rejects the idea that intimacy between men occurs only in homosexual relationships. For if caring about others and experiencing emotions are no longer verboten, then men can embrace the capacity to form close friendships with other men without fear that such vulnerability would prompt others to view such friendships as homosexual.  

As a result, if men resist forming close friendships with other men because they consider intimacy in terms of sexuality only, it follows that interpreting all close male friendships only harms healthy masculinity and instead perpetuates toxic masculinity. We don’t see fans interpreting nearly the amount of close female friendships as “something more” because such friendships have long been accepted as a normal part of being a woman. Close male friendships, however, do not enjoy that freedom under the reign of toxic masculinity because intimacy is automatically associated with sexuality.

Additionally, willfully misinterpreting how characters are written and portrayed is disrespectful to their creators. One might argue that art, once released to the world, is no longer the property of the artist—be they writer, director, or actor—and can thus be interpreted in any way. But I rebut that this is a juvenile way of consuming media, essentially the equivalent of sticking one’s fingers in their ears and closing their eyes. Bending and twisting fictional relationships to fit one’s desires is no different than trimming down the Mona Lisa to fit on one’s fridge—you could do it, but if you had any respect for the artist, you wouldn’t. 

Desire for more LGBTQ+ representation in media is understandable, especially since these characters are often tokenized or marginalized in shows and movies, and searching for non-heterosexual romance in the dearth of such representation is a rational reaction. But willfully choosing to view male friendships as homosexual does not result in more representation; it simply signals that closeness between men can never be purely platonic and that sensitivity in men always indicates homosexuality. And Mackie addressed this in the interview:

“Something that’s always been very important to me is showing a sensitive masculine figure. There’s nothing more masculine than being a superhero and flying around and beating people up. But there’s nothing more sensitive than having emotional conversations and a kindred spirit friendship with someone that you care about and love.”

In other words, lobby for LGBTQ+ representation and relationships in the media. But don’t make it happen at the expense of friendship.